Jul
19
2012

Spare the rod and spoil your child?

To spank or not to spank?

It is an age-old question. I would love to tell parents not to spank their child but I can’t, because to discipline a child we need to look at the complete picture. But what I like to say is if you need to spank, please do so only on the bum or hands; never hard enough to leave scars or unsightly marks of your handprint or the rod. Handprints are meant to look beautiful only on art and crafts, never on a child’s face or body.

You spank your child so that they will think twice before being naughty again and to educate them on what is right; not to release your bottled up anger. Spanking often occurs in a spur of the moment when parents are extremely upset. If only we can hold back for 10 seconds before snapping, chances are we might not even need to spank.

How to hold back for 10 seconds? Look at it this way, the 10 seconds you hold can save you minutes or hours of guilt later on. The temptation to spank is there and like many other urges, all you need to do is to instill some self-control. There, that sentence has just taken up 10 seconds of your time. In that 10 seconds that you remained calm, you will find your anger subsiding and the chances of you hurting your child has gone down tremendously.

I am no softie when it comes to parenting. I am very firm and fierce even, but I just don’t spank. I always apply the ’10 seconds’ rule before making my next move. It helps to prevent many unwanted incidents that I know I would just regret later on.
We have choices – to instill fear and pain or to talk and explain. I choose the later as I believe at the end of the day – love conquers everything.
 
Oh if I may add, if you really can’t help it and needed to spank badly, please spank and NOT cane. Because when you spank, you FEEL the pain too where else when you cane, only the CHILD feels the pain, you don’t. So please, do NOT cane your child. Spank them with your very own hands if you must, but just don’t use the cane. That’s my plea to all parents out there.. 

22 Comments + Add Comment

  • //

    Very true! I also believe spanking is a must to teach them discipline.
    Nowadays kids are much naughtier compared to last time :/

    [Reply]

    Merryn Reply:

    HuH? Charmaine, I don’t believe in spanking leh..

    [Reply]

  • //

    sometimes kids do need to be spanked… but the action has to be controlled well by the adults la…

    [Reply]

  • //

    Nice read. I do not advocate spanking or canning when it comes to discipline children. We should preach love and not fear.

    [Reply]

  • //

    Unfortunately I do practice that….especially when my words are being ignored again and again. Probably they are girls…I am quite strict towards them

    [Reply]

  • //

    Thanks for the post. I also agree in disciplining with love.

    [Reply]

  • //

    I think it depends, spanking is needed as well so that kids are taught to be disciplined and they will fear. In fact, I thanked my parents who used to spank me when I was a kid! (:

    [Reply]

  • //

    Too much spanking, sooner or later, the kid will get use to it. So, I think only spank when really necessary, failing which, they will get immune.

    [Reply]

  • //

    i spank the boys quite badly, sigh…

    [Reply]

  • //

    I did…after the count of 3. Usually, after 1 or 2, the mischief would stop but at times, it did not…so spanking, it had to be. No use making empty threats – the kids are smarter than you think. Say what you mean and do what you say.

    But it would be a lot better to spend time with the kids, talk about discipline and explain what’s good and what’s bad – they will understand…and give rewards, not bribes – don’t promise…but instead, give at times when it is truly deserving.

    [Reply]

  • //

    The 10 secs approach doesn’t work for me..hehe..I’m not a person who can cool down easily. I try not to use the cane (actually it’s a feather duster..hehe) but sometimes just cannot control when Gwen is really naughty. I will just beat her hand or buttocks next time.

    [Reply]

  • //

    I just can’t hold for that 10 seconds when I really geram :(

    [Reply]

  • //

    We have not spanked Ryan so far and I am trying very very hard to refrain from doing so as much as I can. Most of the time, would just raise my voice really loud and thank God, so far, when I raised my voice, he will stop and listen…..

    [Reply]

  • //

    I used caning to discipline my boy when he was younger. I still worked full-time then. My caning was hard and it left unsightly marks on his body most of the time. I admit I was extremely impatient with him, partly due to pressure at work. Now that I stay home with him, I use reasoning and loads of patience on him, hardly any caning and I can see this method works perfectly well on the boy. :)

    [Reply]

  • //

    I spank my kids. For no.2 all the time as she’s very disobedient. For no. 3 it is occasionally when she never listens despite me telling her many times. For no.1, she’s a very sensitive girl, so I only spank once in a blue moon when she deliberately goes against me.

    [Reply]

  • //

    The first two years, I always scold my daughter. Sometimes beat her on hand and buttock. And she continued being rebellious. And I scold more. The situation got out of control. Till one day I finally got it. I changed my method. Shower with plenty love and hugs. Reasoning. No scolding. Max is raise voice. Within a month, she changed! It’s like I take a step backwards for her to step ahead. Now she’s 3 1/2 years old, a lovely and happy child ^^

    [Reply]

    Qi Tyng Reply:

    My mum spanked me once only. After that it was really all love and attention. Firm but caring. Reasoning. Listening. Two way communication and not only her way. It’s really more effective. It takes time but effective :)

    [Reply]

  • //

    well . . . kids now a days very hard to take care, or . . . kids always hard to take care :X

    [Reply]

  • //

    I guess no parent out there like to spank their kids. We all do it for our own reasons… usually first, to discipline the kid and second, to lepas geram. I rarely spank Chloe but when I do, I do it “kau-kau”… using the rotan! That is for “serious offences” and when my repeated warnings go unheeded. Using the hand is just not enough… she’s not scared at all.

    [Reply]

  • //

    It depends on the child. Some when you spank they will obey and maybe still love you and know that you care. Some the more you spank, the more stubborn they will become and it may be problematic later on.

    Like me, I was spanked (my mum used her hand, not cane. She never caned) before but my mum explained to me why she did that and I understood that it was for my own good. However, for my friend, when a similar thing happened to her, she didn’t think it was done out of love. She thinks of it as an abuse. I don’t think she is talking to her parents now.

    For me, the use of a cane is to instill fear, not respect. It’s like a false power for a parent. False security. Haha.

    [Reply]

  • //

    totally agree!
    i grew up in a strict family where cane is the punishment.
    and although there’s no scars left up till now, but the nightmare is mentally torturing! =S
    so good one! especially the spank with hand, so that u know the pain too.
    i hope i remember this when it comes to my kid.
    cause my parents always said grandpa grandma also cane them, so is normal they cane us. =.=

    [Reply]

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I am a mother to two boys; Ethan and Ayden and a wife to Darling William. I'm a stay at home mum who blogs to break the monotony of life and to avoid feeling jaded. Would love to get to know all the Super Mommies and Daddies and Babies or Singles out there with the hope that we can learn more from each other. Most of all, I am a happy person, and I hope YOU are too.

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