Oct
11
2014

Your Child Is Your Mirror

Not too long ago Ethan came home from school telling us that a classmate of his was sent to the Discipline Teacher for a misconduct in class. I asked him what did that classmate of his do and he told me that he shoved another classmate against the wall, strangled him, put his fingers in that boy’s mouth and tried to tear it open for taking his eraser. The attacker basically had an outburst; shouting and getting violent over an eraser. I was horrified to hear that. This is Primary One pupils we are talking about!

When the teacher found out about the incident, the first question she asked the boy was, “Where did you learn that? Did your parents do that or do you see it in the movies?” It struck me hard when I found out that one of the first questions the teacher asked was, ‘Did your parents do that?’ It made me realize that our kids are a reflection of us. I mean I’ve always known that but hearing from Ethan telling us like that hit me hard. It’s like I finally understood the consequences of our actions as parents to our children.

What breaks my heart is I finally understand why Ethan has been ‘angry’ lately. In case you don’t know, let me share with you my story. Some of you may have known that I’m finding it hard to communicate with Ethan lately as he gets temperamental easily. One word from me and he’ll start getting defensive. At times, I wasn’t even reprimanding him but he’ll automatically say it’s not his fault.

As I take a step back and ponder upon the months that passed us by, I noticed a pattern. A pattern that revolved around me, Ethan and Ayden. I was always busy with Ayden and gets irritated easily when Ethan messed up the tiniest bit. Even when he accidentally spilled water I’ll scream and make him clean it up. When he needs help with his homework, I’ll always brush him off saying ‘not now. Mommy’s busy, use your dictionary’. Now, when the Daddy speaks to Ethan, Ethan will answer him harshly too. As I look at Ethan from the corner of the room, I realized that he speaks exactly like how I spoke to him; harshly and in such a hurried manner.

That night, when the kids are asleep, I talked to Darling. I told him that something is wrong. I’ve been ‘away’ from Ethan’s life for months now. I want to spend time with him, I need to be in his life again. We came to a solution. We agree that Darling will take over Ayden in the evenings so I can concentrate on Ethan and we did just that.

Parenting is hard work. We won’t know if we are doing it correctly until we see the effects (usually the bad ones) on our kids and realised that something is wrong. It scares me to think that a child as young as 7 can have a temper outburst that bad.

I hope we are not too late to guide Ethan again. I need to check my temper myself. Sometimes when we are tired, tempers flare easily but what good does it do to everyone around us? My policy from today onwards is, if it doesn’t make it better, then don’t do/say it. Often, we say hurtful things when we are angry only to regret it later.

It’s tough bringing up a child. It’s tougher bringing up two. But at the end of the day, I won’t trade it for anything in this world.

reading bedtime stories

I’m blessed to have both Ethan and Ayden in my life and I promise to be a better mother. Please grant me more patience as that is all I need for now… 

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About the Author: Merryn Tan

11 Comments + Add Comment

  • //

    Bring them up with love, lots of it. Can’t go wrong with that. Pull, don’t push – try doing that with a strong and see what happens. Exactly the same with a child. The days of “Do as I say not as I do” are over – kids these days are thinking kids, they see and they learn – our time, we lived by the cane and went by the rule. Not the same anymore.

    [Reply]

  • //

    Gosh! Some kids are actually bullies in school. I saw before.

    You are right! They follow what we do and say. I also reminded myself everyday to show good example to my kids.

    [Reply]

  • //

    very true and well said.. to your children, you are their learning model, your children is the mirror of your behavior and attitude that you don’t see in yourself.. so if you see something not right in your children, please think first if that was learnt from yourself..

    [Reply]

  • //

    oohhhhh, then your mirror is your child?

    [Reply]

  • //

    Yes , my two kids look like me. Mirror image…lol

    [Reply]

    Merryn Reply:

    Chris, I’m so sorry for your kids. Hahahahahhahaha… :P

    [Reply]

  • //

    Now is not too late, Ethan is still young. Now that you are aware of this and working to mend it, you will bond again with him and show him good examples and he will learn from you the good behaviours and be close to you again.

    [Reply]

  • //

    Very true what you have said. Many parents don’t know this and they wonder why the child is not close to them when the child becomes an adult.

    [Reply]

  • //

    Well said. Praying for your family and pray that Ethan can feel the love you have for him to change. You are a wonderful mummy!

    [Reply]

  • //

    Parenting never easy, I admit & I’m not a good mother because I have bad temper and impatient but luckily hubby is totally different with me :P

    [Reply]

  • //

    True, a good reminder to all parents, including myself. I have to stop and check at ourselves as a mom, it is easy to be a parent, but we can always improve and to be a better one.

    [Reply]

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About Me

MeHome is where MY heart is.
I am a mother to two boys; Ethan and Ayden and a wife to Darling William. I'm a stay at home mum who blogs to break the monotony of life and to avoid feeling jaded. Would love to get to know all the Super Mommies and Daddies and Babies or Singles out there with the hope that we can learn more from each other. Most of all, I am a happy person, and I hope YOU are too.

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