Jan
15
2010

Separation Anxiety

Separation anxiety disorder is a psychological condition in which an individual experiences excessive anxiety regarding separation from home or from people to whom the individual has a strong emotional attachment (like a father and mother). It becomes a disorder when the separation reaction becomes strong enough to impair people’s ability to conduct their day to day lives and relationships.

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Why am I touching on this subject? Because for once today, I’ve experienced what separation anxiety is. Today, for the very first time, I left Ethan at school and went home. For the past two weeks, what I did was to leave Ethan in the classroom and went to another classroom. Though we are apart, at least I’m still around the area.

Today, I hugged him and he went into the classroom. In the car before he went up to his class, he told me that he is hungry. I just fed him before we went for class! I told him his snacks are in his bag and he knows how to get them in case he gets too hungry before the break.

Once in the class, he hugged me and followed the facilitator inside to wash his hands. They have a rule of washing every kids hands before mingling with other kids. I left him and went back down to the car. I cried all the way home.

I just couldn’t stop crying, don’t know why. This is the first time in my life that Ethan is away from me! Since the day he was born, he has never been away from me until today. My whole body went numb and I just couldn’t function. I had to sit down and thank goodness for Claire, who managed to cheer me up a little…

A couple of hours later, Ethan came back home with Darling and I am just too happy to see him again! We hugged and kissed and went to 1U after lunch :)

I am back to my normal self and maybe Claire was right. I am sometimes… just too emotional. Not good, Merryn… Not good at all!

Ethan – 2 hours after delivery
Ethan – NOW
My baby’s a big boy now.. I should be proud and learn to let go a little…

About the Author: Merryn Tan

45 Comments + Add Comment

  • //

    I guess all mothers will at one stage go thru this. Hope you'll be okay :)

    [Reply]

  • //

    there is a lot more than just letting go..brace yourself for more surprises in life..
    btw, i have fun with u too this morning… i think u cheered me up more than i did for u.. i was so tensed up with work, today is the closing account…. thanks girl..

    [Reply]

  • //

    Claire – chatting with you.. is always FUN and CRAZY :D

    smallkucing – I am ok now, no worries :)

    Rachel – Yes, I dread to think what will come in the future!! yikes!

    [Reply]

  • //

    Aiks..Mummy is the one having separation anxiety..Merryn don't pressure yourself too much. Relax!

    Gwen is always with me too. I never leave her to anyone even my parents. I'm actually looking forward to have some ME time when Gwen goes to school..hehe..bad mummy. Of course I will miss her lots.. for sure.

    [Reply]

  • //

    Merely a temporary kind of vacuum in the heart. Guess all would be OK now. More so on attachment that caused this separation anxiety. Slowly and surely we learn to let go it will curb our anxiety. Take care.

    [Reply]

  • //

    It's ok to have such feeling and don't hide. I still feel sad sometimes when I have to go to work and leave my boy at home.

    [Reply]

  • //

    I'd do anything not to let my brat stick wif me too much. :( It's annoying. I wouldn't cry if my boy is away from me. I
    ll probably jump for joy cuz it means I will finally have some time to myself. I'm a bad mum, huh?

    [Reply]

  • //

    I'm 1st?

    [Reply]

  • //

    Yay! Confirmed 1st!! : )

    [Reply]

  • //

    separation anxiety disorder? There's such a thing? Wow! So are you suffering from that?

    [Reply]

  • //

    Yalah, so emo one you, haha! But I think you'll get used to it – I mean seperating from Ethan. You will get used to it and won't feel like crying after some time.

    [Reply]

  • //

    Gotta learn to let go…Ethan's a big boy now.He must learn to be independent! : )

    [Reply]

  • //

    Yes foong – You are 1st to 5th again :D Must give you a prize for this :DYes… I'll get used to this after sometime. By next week should be ok dy :)

    [Reply]

  • //

    Looks like u r the one, and not Ethan, who is hit hard from separation anxiety :)This is just the beginning, soon he will get so independent as he grows older, that u will find yourself getting even more upset and lament that your baby do not need you anymore. Take heart, there is so much for you to be proud of Ethan. He is such a clever and sensible boy and he handles his school-going routine so well.

    [Reply]

  • //

    Everybody goes through this in different ways, but claire is right don't be too emotional. Ethan will be affected too if you'll be like that. Everything will be fine. =)

    happy weekend!

    [Reply]

  • //

    u will adapt to this new kind of life soon. more changes await you.

    [Reply]

  • //

    ooo i suddenly feel so guilty.. cos my sis also said the same thing. she had never left her kids alone b4..ie every night her kids r still with her..even though she works in the day time. but for me, i hv left philip for my oveseas or outstation work…n philip went on holiday without me too… so i guess philip is ok or i m ok with separation..:(

    [Reply]

  • //

    *siiighhhh* I am a terrible mum!

    [Reply]

  • //

    yeah i totally understand how u feel merryn! I was hit pretty badly too when i first separated from jayden, being a sahm like u…….. but after that i learned to accept it too! Cheer up babe, u have done well as a mummy to ethan!

    [Reply]

  • //

    Cleffairy – YOU are a great mom for what you've done for him. He's not like any other ordinary kid and you've exhausted all strength and energy for him. You hang in there.. I'm here if you need to talk..

    [Reply]

  • //

    It's like that. Everytime your kid's away from you! Even when grown up… When no call or message, you'll start to wonder… Sigh!!!

    [Reply]

  • //

    Aww… babe… I know how it feels… Maybe we are too are emotional like Claire said… The other day my mum brought Maine out for an hour plus… I felt so uneasy leh… *tsk tsk tsk*

    [Reply]

  • //

    I am sure you'll be all right soon! :)A child has to grow and parents have to let go too :)

    [Reply]

  • //

    It's a normal behaviour, Merryn, especially for us moms who have been taking care of our own kids. I have separation anxiety too when ashley started kindy last year. err..actually i still feel it now :(

    [Reply]

  • //

    I felt that when I first left Breanna at home while I go to work.. now, at work I won't feel bad, but if I am out without her, I will.. so I guess for those 'circumstances' activities which prohibit the 'bond' we just have to learn to let go.

    [Reply]

  • //

    it rings very true, especially when it comes to mother and babies..thoughtful post,smart mind.

    [Reply]

  • //

    It's normal. You'll get used to it. You just love your son so much and miss him when he's not beside you.

    [Reply]

  • //

    The first time I left my girl in baby sitter's house for a vacation, I cried in the car….. Lol!! Yeap, the mum cried, not the daughter. I didnt cry when she gone to school. I am proud that she was doing fine within the first week.

    [Reply]

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  • //

    Awww…what a sweet post Merryn. I thing I will feel this too when I have my own children. :)

    [Reply]

  • //

    Can tell that you are a very very good mum! Good for Ethan. But really a bit too emotional. Hehe. Ethan is so good boy!

    [Reply]

  • //

    Ya, brace yourself for more suprises,, lah.My Jovial and Marvell now ,ha dont really want to follow us out. But i still love them from near or far

    [Reply]

  • //

    Its pretty normal…every kid has to school & we as mum impossible to stay with them always.Take it easy,cheer up!

    [Reply]

  • //

    It is really touch my heart.Can see that you are great mummy!Nathan is a lucky boy.Maybe, it is time to create another baby daughter

    [Reply]

  • //

    It's very normal to feel like this but when you have #2, #3, you will let go very, very easily :). Practice makes perfect, very soon, you will be able to let go completely.

    [Reply]

  • //

    Voon – Since when my anak jadi Nathan? Ukraine twisted your mind izit? lol.. (all your copy and pasting must have taken it's toll!)

    [Reply]

  • //

    Now i feel like a very bad and lousy mummy cos not only do I not have any separation anxiety, I'm actually ENJOYING my freedom! Hah! :-(

    [Reply]

  • //

    hello, I am back from my holiday… now back to full swing blog-stalking mode. Just want to say I loveeee your new blog layout :-)

    [Reply]

  • //

    hahahhahaha *laugh at Voon's comment and your answer to him* I was wondering who is Nathan!!So far i have not leave my sons behind for a day or two. Just like you said i'm sure i will miss them a lot. Although sometime i really wish to have some "me" time, but when i'm out, i always thinking what are they doing at home.

    [Reply]

  • //

    Poor mommy …. but glad to know that i am not the only one alone out there who cried just because couldn't see our little one for even a second :P

    [Reply]

  • //

    separation anxiety? wats tat?hahaha.. i know im so bad :)

    [Reply]

  • //

    I had the same feeling when i first sent Ethel to Kindee also…her class finish at 11.30am, and i just cant wait to see her and reached there 11.00am…Anyway, still part of the process we got to learn and accept…i m sure just a temporary feeling.

    [Reply]

  • //

    Yeah, I agree, have to learn to let go a little. Now it's just separation because he goes to school. What about next time when he starts to go to college/uni/work, or have girlfriend, and later his own family? My mother was like that. She's a full-time housewife and I have been staying with her for the whole 26 years of my life (including during my uni days), and when I started to date my hubby, her life started to crumble apart. Almost eVerytime after I come back from a date with my hubby, she will confront me with crying or even jealous eyes and accusations, making me feel very bad, even tried to break up our relationship. But in the end, i stood up for my own happiness, much to her disliking, but I did what I felt should be done,i.e., I am responsible for my own happiness – if i cannot make myself happy, no one else will.

    [Reply]

  • //

    It will be even harder when he finds a wife in the future… :) I am actually enjoy MY time when my two girls having a sleepover at my auntie house.

    [Reply]

  • //

    Merryn, I am a very emotional person too. I guess I will cry too when Sarah attend kindy when 3, pai seh!

    [Reply]

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About Me

MeHome is where MY heart is.
I am a mother to two boys; Ethan and Ayden and a wife to Darling William. I'm a stay at home mum who blogs to break the monotony of life and to avoid feeling jaded. Would love to get to know all the Super Mommies and Daddies and Babies or Singles out there with the hope that we can learn more from each other. Most of all, I am a happy person, and I hope YOU are too.

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